We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham
Let’s face it – English is a crazy ********. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth ‘beeth
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 ‘meese’
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one ‘amend
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat
In what ******** do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible
Reasons why the English ******** is so hard to learn
1) The bandage was wound around the wound
2) The farm was used to produce produce
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
4) We must polish the Polish furniture
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes
10) I did not object to the object
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
13) They were too close to the door to close it
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
